Reflection time. (Been holding this in too much.)
About two weeks ago, my dad received a stroke. It’s his third. Life just likes to roadblocks to test you. Insert family stress. Seeing how much my mom has gone through the past two weeks, I feel guilt. I feel a sense of tense feeling inside my body and heart. It pains me. In the end, it’ll just make me stronger person just like three years ago. People have bombarded and texted me asking the obvious questions. I’m thankful for their concern but in the end, I never really responded. I can’t really lie and say my dad is doing fine. So I don’t really respond.
Reality sets in, this man is only getting older by each day. He’s not really getting any better. He’s well… *sigh*. I welcome this family stress head on.
I love how I put on this fake smile and attitude at work like I’m perfectly fine. I always lecture and consult my co-workers, don’t bring your bs to work. Leave it when you enter that door.
As nice as I am, I see stuff, I ain’t stupid and blind. My workplace is really internally screwed up. I got two female managers whose basically two-faced. Takes advantage and abuses the system. Basically sits upstairs and do their work that really takes half the amount of time it should take. As a manager, your duty is to oversee your staff, train and conduct any disciplinary actions upon a staff if necessary. One more thing, as a manager, you should conduct yourself to be professional, and be a prime example of what the core values are. Instead, you two sit upstairs and gossip. You two claim yourself to be loyal employees of George (Our GM who was on medical leave). Don’t give me this BS. If you were loyal to George, you would conduct yourself the way you should even when he’s away. What pains me is when staff is hinder and feels like they don’t have a voice. They either vent to me or my co-manager. I keep hearing stories almost every week. Afterall, you two are what? 27, 25? Grow up. I’m 22 and I’m more mature than you two. You two can pick on me all you want, it doesn’t phase me. It only fuels me to be a better person than the two of you combine.
What makes this worse is my co-manager who I used to train and took under my wing is now…corrupted. I feel myself distancing from him. Stuff he does irritates me. Things he say, quite honestly, not professional. What pisses me off the most? This man stole and played it off like nothing. This man is trying to play me. This man is corrupted, once humble, now just another kid corrupted. It’s amazing how a person can turn a 180. Quite frankly, I’ll nicely disassociate myself from this man.
Now, bossman George is back. I can only hope that this man can be only half of what he used to be. He may or may not address any of these issues. My loyalty can only go so far. I spent the last year trying my best to continue the high standards since you were gone, well after six long years, I’m tired. I’m physically and emotionally tired. I got enough stress and problems at home. I don’t need this. I know I’m better than this. I keep asking myself, why do I care so much? Who the eff cares. I care. I didn’t invest six years here to not care. This workplace is like my second home where these are not only my co-workers but friends. Life has taught me so much that almost every inch of my body refuses to succumb to any immoral deeds. I sound like it’s about good vs. evil.
Why am I so stubborn? Why am I so ignorant? Maybe this is what morals are about. Maybe this is what I learn in life from my parents. Maybe this is a test. Maybe this is just me.
Time to do what makes me happy and lessen the burden of stress.
Time to throw in that towel and go in another direction. In the end, life goes on and it’s time to move on.
not yet… Just one more final.
I can’t wait to go on some nice adventures.
I can’t wait to make some fun video projects with my nephew.
I can’t wait to get super fit and yolked for judo next semester.
(I see all these dudes cam whoring their #progress and #motivation. I’m tempting to do one privately to see the week by week progress.)
I can’t wait for SUMMER!
Life at this point isn’t too bad. It’s not the greatest, yet it’s not the worst.
SUMMER, I’m almost there. Just a couple more steps…